So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
