Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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