i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
