One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
