she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
