the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
