captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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