Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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