i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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