You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
