the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
