My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
