So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
