i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
