i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
