At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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