I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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