just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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