people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
