Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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