In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
