he puts the penis in happiness.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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