the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
