The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
