My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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