I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
