My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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