2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
