apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
