Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
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He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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