Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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