I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
