meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
