so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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