jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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