I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
