It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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