stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
