pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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