You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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