you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
