that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
