I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
