I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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