theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
