Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
