So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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