stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This is my gift to your gina
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
