dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
