all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
