Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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