i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
