and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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