But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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