i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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