Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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