HIV tests are more positive than that guy
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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