I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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