I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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