my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
