you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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