is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
