who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
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Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize