Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
