you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
