I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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