You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
