i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
