I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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